Sunday, June 15, 2008

Happy Father's Day...

So its Father's Day and apparently today means a lot to some people. For the past week all I've heard was ideas and questions as to what people should get their fathers for Father's Day. In my eyes, its just another day. It's sunday; the Lord's Day. I've been stuck with the thought that should I feel some kind of way that I have a father and I can contact him but yet I have no ambitions on doing so. Growing up, I've realized that I have no sentimental feelings about a father figure. I was content and satisfied with just having a mother. My father left/forced out (pick one, they both apply) when I was two because he had a very bad drinking problem. I spent most of my adolescence with my mother and a step-father. I never liked that dude. I never considered him to be a father figure at all, although he did teach me three things: 

#1. I learned how NOT to treat a woman. (The experience gave me a greater sense of appreciation for women by seeing the bullshit my mother had to put up with and she's still strong. 
#2. I learned how NOT to treat children. (Learning from my childhood, I can honestly say that I will be a wonderful Father. I never knew the impact that a great father can have on a person's life but I hear its pretty good. So I can guarantee that my kids will have that.
#3. I learned how to clean very well. Me and my brother had to clean SOMETHING every fucking day. This fool would walk in the door and the very first thing he would say was, "Terence, did you clean the bathroom?"

Unfortunately, I was rarely around my grandfather before he passed away. From the stories I've heard and the fact that he raised 8 kids with my Queen (Grandma), he seemed like a great man. All through life I didn't have a father or a father figure so I don't need one now. It's weird that my actual father lives about 20 minutes away in South Jersey. I got his number so if I wanted to talk to him I can. The fact that I can and I choose not to hurts when I think about my wife (ashy booty - inside joke) and how she lost her father. I know she wishes she can talk to him and see him just one more time if possible but she can't. So sometimes I feel like I should be fortunate that he is still alive but its like saying that you're fortunate for a stranger to be alive. I honestly don't know what to think.

I was in a store yesterday and as I was about to leave, the cashier told me Happy Father's Day and it through me off a lil bit. I gave a little grin and i couldn't help but wonder what that meant. On the cashiers part I knew he didn't know if I was a father or not but on my part, I was thinking since I'm not a father, do I pass that on to my father but then I thought why would I (Weird but thats what I was thinking)....Ahhhh Life is a Trip people, Buckle up and enjoy it is what I say...



Madeleine said...

hi love,
so i went to church this morning. and my bishop spoke on fathers. not on biological fathers but on OUR father. just remeber that you always have a father figure that will never let you down and is always there for you. it will be alright because everything with pants ain't a father.

p.s.-my daddy STILL makes me clean EVERYTHING to this day. lol.